life, personalissue
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Personal Issue: About the long-distance-relationship-trend

A few weeks ago I stumbled across this article about relationships. In this they wrote that more than half of all Germans have lived in a long-distance relationship during the last year. Surprising? Not really. Many of my friends have been in this position and I can also give a deep insight on this topic. But is this really a new trend? An old, and yet still unfamiliar, form of relationship?

My long-distance relationship lasted 3 years. Before we entered this statues we have been together for not quite a year.
When you finish school, life stretches ahead of you and there are so many possibilities. And I actually love to encourage anyone to follow his or her dreams and give it a shot, no matter how far it is away. I’m a strong believer that, if the feelings are strong enough, it will be okay to go through such a period of time. Therefore I would never ask someone to not leave if they truly want it and on the other side I would never like my partner to keep me back. My inside may scream “Stay! Please stay!” but I would actually keep that back, just because I don’t want anyone to give up on something for me.

At the beginning I actually thought this would be the perfect form of relationship for me. During the week I was so busy with training and university, that a boyfriend wouldn’t be easy to squeeze in. You seem much more freer because you don’t have to find free spots in your full Monday to Friday schedule. And when the weekend comes you have plenty of time together…

Wrong. It took me quite some time to realize how hard this form of relationship actually is. Planing and organizing are typical parts of living a long-distance relationship. Which weekend will we see each other again? Where are we going to meet? What are we going to do? Oh it’s the birthday of a close friend, I have to stay in town.

What we don’t realize at first: both are setting up a new life in the place they live or keep their life they have been living so far. Two worlds, two different lives have to be shared in some short but intense moments. Normally only on weekends. And basically never alone really. You simply can’t just give up the environment you live in and you all probably know that our weekends are simply not two blank days in the calendar. They are packed with appointments and as soon as you start working regularly, weekends will be your only free days. Are our schedules not made for long-distance relationships anymore? Or let’s ask it this way: are we even made for long-distance relationships?

I really can’t answer these questions even though I have been living this form of relationship. I think everyone has to find the right way of building and keeping a relationship. Everyone is different and people have easily stayed together over a certain amount of time living apart from each other. Nevertheless we have to decide for ourselves if this is keeping us up or pulling us down. And I still think it’s possible to have a good long-distance relationship and everyone who is in this position: you have my highest amount of respect for fighting for it. But I don’t want to go back to this position. And I can tell you why.

First: I have experienced that I love being spontaneous, I love to hang out with my friends, meet for dinner in town or go swimming by the lake. My daily life is so structured by training, rehearsals and university that I love to keep some things spontaneous. And I know that eventually someday this will end because of work and family. A boy- or girlfriend in the same town makes this just so much easier. You can quickly meet and spontaneously do something together.

Secondly being apart for sometime, just two weeks maybe, separate you emotionally more than the distance measured in kilometers. When you meet again you feel this has to be perfect, you are under pressure because you only have the few hours and those have to be phenomenal. This is never going to work. As soon as you are triggering your emotions and feelings, you are losing it. I always figured this was just my impression but after talking to many who have been running or still are in a long-distance relationship they confirm my thoughts.

And then there are moments in life you just need someone to be by your side. Someone who takes your hand, puts his or her arm around you and makes you feel good even though the situation isn’t good. Simply by being there and not having to drive hundreds of kilometers to do this. There are people who don’t have a problem with this and thats good, too. Because of course we can’t all find true love in the same spot we live in. In the end we have to be happy with the relationship we are in and as long as both fight for it, there is a chance on making it.

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